Ugghh!!! It has been a very difficult past few weeks. I gained weight and felt like a total failure. All my internal critical voices hit me hard, telling me how many times I had failed in the past, that my weight gain was a sign that I would fail again, that I should just give up and quit trying, and that I did not deserve to be healthy because I was not worth it. These voices put me in a downward spin. I knew they all came from a place of not loving myself enough.
Then I felt angry……why can’t I eat what I want? Food is my comfort! Depression followed and I spent the better part of two days in bed. Finally, I reached out to friends, family, and my trainer Bud for support. The connection with people who cared about me helped pull me out of the black hole.
I continued my exercise program despite my depression. There is something about doing exercise that helps me to keep moving despite falling off my eating program and experiencing emotional letdowns. It is about changing behaviors/habits and taking action. Even though the river meandered a bit off course over the last few weeks, it kept moving me upstream. That realization helped me see that progress does not move in a linear fashion and that there will be the proverbial bumps in the road.
Sooooo…….I am back on track and have lost the weight I gained! I still struggle every day with my food addiction and have to be very conscious about the food choices I make. I also learned that when the critical voices come during setbacks is the time to practice self-love and patience with the process.